1
00:00:02,193 --> 00:00:04,760
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪
2
00:00:04,762 --> 00:00:07,631
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,267
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪
4
00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:13,804
♪ TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
5
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♪ HE LEADETH ME
BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
6
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♪ STILL WATERS ♪♪
7
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SO THIS IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE HONEYMOON.
8
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OOOHH.
9
00:00:44,706 --> 00:00:46,540
AND WHO'S THAT?
10
00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:47,574
WHO IS IT?
11
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:48,909
THAT'S ME
AT THE AIRPORT.
12
00:00:48,911 --> 00:00:50,744
YES.
13
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:53,515
OH, THIS IS A NICE WOMAN
WE MET ON THE FLIGHT.
14
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SHE WAS A BIT TIRED
WHEN WE GOT TO TURKEY,
15
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SO HUGO
WAS EVER SO SWEET
16
00:00:57,954 --> 00:00:59,954
AND CARRIED HER CASE
THROUGH CUSTOMS.
17
00:01:05,629 --> 00:01:10,466
RIGHT. WELL, I THINK I CAN
ANTICIPATE THE NEXT PHOTO.
18
00:01:10,468 --> 00:01:13,902
THAT'S THE CUSTOMS
OPENING THE CASE.
19
00:01:15,306 --> 00:01:18,341
WELL, HOW MUCH COCAINE
IS THAT, HUGO?
20
00:01:18,343 --> 00:01:22,645
I'M TOLD THE STREET VALUE
WAS 84 MILLION POUNDS.
21
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:24,181
IMPRESSIVE.
22
00:01:24,183 --> 00:01:26,816
THEY LET HIM GO THE MINUTE
THEY REALIZED HE WAS INNOCENT.
23
00:01:26,818 --> 00:01:28,385
WHICH WAS...?
24
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:30,988
FOURTEEN MONTHS
LATER.
25
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,923
I'D BETTER GO.
26
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:35,560
I'VE GOT AN APPOINTMENT
WITH MY POST-TRAUMATIC
STRESS COUNSELLOR.
27
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:36,927
AWFULLY NICE CHAP.
28
00:01:36,929 --> 00:01:39,997
HAD TO PRETEND
TO BE A BIT DOOLALLY.
29
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I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO THINK
HE'S WASTING HIS TIME.
30
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:55,315
SO HOW'S MARRIED LIFE
LITTLE MISS COKE DONKEY?
31
00:01:55,317 --> 00:01:58,017
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT
IN THE BEDROOM?
32
00:01:58,019 --> 00:01:59,552
NICE.
33
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:03,323
WE HAD A BIT OF TROUBLE
EARLY ON, YOU KNOW.
34
00:02:03,325 --> 00:02:06,494
COULDN'T QUITE WORK OUT
WHAT WENT IN WHERE.
35
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,600
WELL, THAT'S
ALWAYS TRICKY.
36
00:02:12,602 --> 00:02:15,436
ONCE WE GOT A WARDROBE
WE WERE FINE.
37
00:02:19,009 --> 00:02:22,277
I JUST HOPE HUGO
DOESN'T GO OFF ME NOW.
38
00:02:22,279 --> 00:02:24,846
WHY'S HE GOING TO GO OFF YOU,
YOU STRANGE LITTLE IDIOT?
39
00:02:24,848 --> 00:02:29,418
WELL, I MIGHT LOSE
MY POTENT SEXUAL ALLURE.
40
00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:31,120
I'M ALREADY
PUTTING ON WEIGHT.
41
00:02:31,122 --> 00:02:33,322
I'VE PUT ON FOUR POUNDS
IN THE LAST MONTH.
42
00:02:33,324 --> 00:02:34,723
THAT'S A POUND
A WEEK.
43
00:02:34,725 --> 00:02:36,192
IS THAT RIGHT?
44
00:02:36,194 --> 00:02:38,561
YEAH. IF I GO ON
AT THIS RATE,
45
00:02:38,563 --> 00:02:41,365
BY THE TIME I'M 50
I'LL WEIGH 82 STONE
46
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:43,467
WHICH IS MORE
THAN A WALRUS.
47
00:02:43,469 --> 00:02:45,469
AND I DON'T WANT
TO LOOK LIKE A WALRUS.
48
00:02:45,471 --> 00:02:48,605
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SICK AT ALL,
HAVE YOU, ALICE?
49
00:02:48,607 --> 00:02:50,740
YEAH,
EVERY SINGLE MORNING.
50
00:02:54,847 --> 00:02:56,414
IN THAT CASE,
YOUNG LADY,
51
00:02:56,416 --> 00:02:58,916
I THINK I'VE GOT SOME
VERY IMPORTANT NEWS FOR YOU.
52
00:02:58,918 --> 00:03:01,919
I'VE QUALIFIED
FOR THE VOMIT OLYMPICS?
53
00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:05,123
NO, NO, THE TRUTH IS,
MY DEAREST, DARLINGEST VERGER,
54
00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:07,893
I THINK
YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT.
55
00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:10,563
BUT, NO, NO,
THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
56
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,565
YOU MEAN
YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY...
57
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,667
NO, NO...
58
00:03:14,669 --> 00:03:16,469
WE'VE CERTAINLY
PLAYED THE ODD ROUND
59
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:19,272
OF HIDE
THE PURPLE PARSNIP.
60
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,310
NO, NO, NO, NO.
61
00:03:23,312 --> 00:03:25,845
I'VE DONE THE TEST
AND IT SAID I WASN'T PREGNANT.
62
00:03:25,847 --> 00:03:29,250
THE HAMSTER DIDN'T TURN BLUE
OR ANYTHING.
63
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,918
I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE
I'M FAMILIAR
64
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,321
WITH THIS PARTICULAR
PREGNANCY TEST.
65
00:03:33,323 --> 00:03:35,423
IT'S THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS
DONE IT IN DIBLEY.
66
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,925
YOU GET A HAMSTER
AND YOU WEE ON IT
67
00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:41,396
AND IF IT TURNS BLUE
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
68
00:03:41,398 --> 00:03:42,397
RIGHT.
69
00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:43,532
( phone rings )
70
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IT'S TRUE.
71
00:03:45,769 --> 00:03:47,135
HELLO VICARAGE.
72
00:03:47,137 --> 00:03:49,605
ALICE HORTON NEE TINKER
SPEAKING.
73
00:03:49,607 --> 00:03:52,141
THAT'S "NEE" AS IN BORN,
OBVIOUSLY,
74
00:03:52,143 --> 00:03:54,344
NOT THE "NEIGH"
A HORSE MAKES.
75
00:03:54,346 --> 00:03:56,379
THAT WOULD BE
NAAAAAAY.
76
00:03:58,149 --> 00:03:59,549
WHO'S CALLING?
77
00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:01,417
HELLO, UNCLE SIMON!
78
00:04:01,419 --> 00:04:03,754
OH, SIMY, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
SINCE THE WEDDING.
79
00:04:03,756 --> 00:04:04,888
ME, ME, ME!
80
00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:06,557
SO MUCH NEWS,
THE HONEYMOON--
81
00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:09,326
SIMON, HI!
82
00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:11,395
HAVEN'T HEARD
FROM YOU FOR AGES.
83
00:04:11,397 --> 00:04:13,797
EVER THINK
OF...DROPPING BY?
84
00:04:13,799 --> 00:04:15,199
SATURDAY?
85
00:04:15,201 --> 00:04:16,801
THIS SATURDAY?
86
00:04:16,803 --> 00:04:20,472
WELL, OBVIOUSLY,
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK MY DIARY
87
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:23,742
JUST TO SEE IF I'VE GOT
ANY TIME AT ALL.
88
00:04:23,744 --> 00:04:25,410
YES, IT DOES SEEM
89
00:04:25,412 --> 00:04:27,513
THAT I HAVE GOT
A HOLE AVAILABLE--
90
00:04:27,515 --> 00:04:29,715
WINDOW!
WINDOW AVAILABLE!
91
00:04:31,252 --> 00:04:36,989
SO, ANY IDEA
WHAT WE MIGHT GET UP TO?
92
00:04:36,991 --> 00:04:38,825
YOU WANT TO DO
WHAT TO ME? SORRY?
93
00:04:40,962 --> 00:04:44,731
WOULDN'T THAT MELT?
94
00:04:44,733 --> 00:04:47,501
YOU THINK IT'D BE NICER
IF IT DID MELT?
95
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:52,507
OKAY, WELL,
CAN'T WAIT THEN.
96
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:55,042
SEE YOU SATURDAY.
BYE.
97
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,210
AHH...
98
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:10,826
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
99
00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:14,130
I THINK UNCLE SIMON
MIGHT BE QUITE KEEN ON YOU.
100
00:05:14,132 --> 00:05:15,998
OFF, OFF, OFF,
OFF, OFF!
101
00:05:17,402 --> 00:05:22,305
LISTEN, IF YOU WANT ANY TIPS
ON HOW TO ATTRACT A MAN
102
00:05:22,307 --> 00:05:24,173
FROM SOMEONE
WHO'S GOT ONE,
103
00:05:24,175 --> 00:05:27,978
I HAVE GOT ONE OR TWO
SURE-FIRE SEDUCTION TECHNIQUES.
104
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,913
OH? SUCH AS?
105
00:05:29,915 --> 00:05:33,718
UM, YOU CAN'T BEAT
A NICE PINK ANORAK.
106
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,153
HUGO'S ALWAYS LOVED ME
IN MINE.
107
00:05:36,155 --> 00:05:38,557
WHEN I'M NAKED
HE MAKES ME WEAR IT--
108
00:05:38,559 --> 00:05:39,591
STOP. STOP. STOP.
109
00:05:39,593 --> 00:05:42,126
NO, NO, NO,
TOO MUCH DETAIL, SORRY.
110
00:05:42,128 --> 00:05:44,195
HORRIBLE MENTAL PICTURE
THERE.
111
00:05:44,197 --> 00:05:46,130
JUST THINK,
ONCE YOU'RE MARRIED
112
00:05:46,132 --> 00:05:50,302
YOU CAN GO TO BED TOGETHER, TOO,
WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY SCRUMMY.
113
00:05:50,304 --> 00:05:51,871
SO I'M TOLD.
114
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,206
THOUGH IT ISN'T SCRUMMY
IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED,
115
00:05:54,208 --> 00:05:56,809
'CAUSE THEN YOU GOT TO HELL
AND ALL YOUR BITS DROP OFF.
116
00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:59,011
WELL, NOT NECESSARILY.
117
00:05:59,013 --> 00:06:00,212
YOU KNOW ALL THAT.
118
00:06:00,214 --> 00:06:02,282
YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT
ETERNAL DAMNATION
119
00:06:02,284 --> 00:06:04,485
AND PNEUMATIC DRILLS
IN YOUR BRAIN TISSUE
120
00:06:04,487 --> 00:06:07,721
IF YOU SO MUCH AS
LOOK UPON A MAN WITH LUST.
121
00:06:07,723 --> 00:06:09,256
ESPECIALLY AS A VICAR.
122
00:06:09,258 --> 00:06:11,925
GOD WOULD PROBABLY
HAVE TO STRANGLE YOU
123
00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:14,295
WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
124
00:06:14,297 --> 00:06:17,832
WELL, YEAH,
WELL SPOTTED.
125
00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,534
GOOD POINT.
126
00:06:19,536 --> 00:06:21,869
RIGHT, WE'VE GOT QUITE A LOT
TO GET THROUGH,
127
00:06:21,871 --> 00:06:23,905
SO LET'S NOT
WASTE ANY TIME, EH?
128
00:06:23,907 --> 00:06:27,409
ITEM ONE,
APOLOGIES FOR ABSENCE.
129
00:06:27,411 --> 00:06:29,544
NO, NO, NO...
130
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:32,547
YES, I'VE GOT ONE.
131
00:06:32,549 --> 00:06:33,716
WHO FROM?
132
00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:34,783
ME.
133
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,521
BUT YOU'RE HERE.
134
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:43,226
YES...
I AM HERE NOW,
135
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,762
BUT I'M NOT HERE
AT THE NEXT MEETING.
136
00:06:45,764 --> 00:06:48,064
THEN YOU DON'T NEED
TO APOLOGIZE
137
00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:49,934
UNTIL THE NEXT MEETING.
138
00:06:49,936 --> 00:06:51,936
AH.
139
00:06:51,938 --> 00:06:55,873
BUT I'M NOT HERE
AT THE NEXT MEETING.
140
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,374
YES, I KNOW.
141
00:06:57,376 --> 00:07:00,712
YOU SEND YOUR APOLOGIES
BEFORE THE NEXT MEETING.
142
00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:02,313
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
143
00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:04,116
IF THAT'S THE WAY
WE'RE DOING IT NOW,
144
00:07:04,118 --> 00:07:06,351
I'D BETTER SEND MY APOLOGIES
FOR THE MEETING AFTER THAT
145
00:07:06,353 --> 00:07:07,919
'CAUSE I WON'T BE
AT THAT ONE.
146
00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:10,188
ME, TOO, I'LL BE MISSING
THE ONE NEXT APRIL.
147
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:13,626
THERE'S A CAPTAIN SCARLETT
CONVENTION IN BRISTOL.
148
00:07:13,628 --> 00:07:16,495
STOP RIGHT THERE.
THIS COULD GO ON FOREVER.
149
00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:18,865
I COULD APOLOGIZE
FOR MISSING A MEETING IN 2010,
150
00:07:18,867 --> 00:07:20,800
FOR GOD'S SAKE.
151
00:07:20,802 --> 00:07:22,468
MOVING ON.
152
00:07:22,470 --> 00:07:24,805
WHICH MEETING?
153
00:07:24,807 --> 00:07:26,807
WHAT?
154
00:07:26,809 --> 00:07:30,544
WHICH MEETING IN 2010
ARE YOU APOLOGIZING FOR?
155
00:07:30,546 --> 00:07:32,079
I'M NOT APOLOGIZING.
156
00:07:32,081 --> 00:07:34,648
WELL, YOU SHOULD.
157
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,183
NOT POINT IN HOLDING
THE BLOODY MEETING
158
00:07:36,185 --> 00:07:37,318
IF THE CHAIRMAN'S MISSING.
159
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:42,157
I'M NOT MISSING IT,
YOU RAVING LUNATICS!
160
00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:43,357
I AM NOT A LUNATIC.
161
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:46,661
I HAVE THE PSYCHIATRIC REPORTS
TO PROVE IT.
162
00:07:46,663 --> 00:07:51,901
A SLENDER MAJORITY OF THE PANEL
DECIDED IN MY FAVOUR.
163
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:54,170
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE NOT
A LUNATIC,
164
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,338
BUT YOU ARE
A FAMOUS IDIOT!
165
00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,540
NOW WAIT A MINUTE,
BALDYLOCKS!
166
00:07:58,542 --> 00:08:00,711
HEY, HEY, GUYS,
CALM DOWN.
167
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,612
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
A COUPLE OF SCHOOL KIDS.
168
00:08:02,614 --> 00:08:03,613
WELL, HE STARTED IT.
169
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:06,149
HE STARTED IT,
BEARDY-WEIRDY.
170
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:09,219
STOP IT, SERIOUSLY.
COME ON.
171
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:11,487
YOU SEEM TO BE FORGETTING
THAT WE'RE PARTNERS HERE.
172
00:08:11,489 --> 00:08:14,192
IF YOU EVER NEEDED ME,
I'M THERE FOR YOU, AREN'T I?
173
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,460
MY HOUSE IS YOUR HOUSE,
AND I LIKE TO BELIEVE
174
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,096
THAT IF I EVER NEEDED YOU,
175
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,064
YOU'D BE THERE
FOR ME, WOULDN'T YOU?
176
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,666
READY AND ERECT
AT YOUR SERVICE.
177
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:27,505
SO NO MORE BICKERING,
OKAY?
178
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,775
FROM NOW ON, DIBLEY COUNCIL
STANDS FOR FRIENDS.
179
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,944
FRIENDS WHO ARE WORKING TOGETHER
FOR THE VILLAGE
180
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,345
WITH SUPPORT AND LOVE.
181
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,747
HEAR, HEAR.
182
00:08:34,749 --> 00:08:36,449
YOU KNOW, OWEN,
183
00:08:36,451 --> 00:08:39,685
FOR FIVE YEARS
I ACTUALLY WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU.
184
00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:44,824
AND EVEN TODAY,
185
00:08:44,826 --> 00:08:46,525
WHEN I SEE YOU
186
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:49,797
ON THE FARM...
187
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:52,332
IN YOUR WET WEATHER GEAR...
188
00:08:52,334 --> 00:08:55,636
MOVING ON, MR. CHAIRMAN,
DOUBLE QUICK NOW.
189
00:08:55,638 --> 00:08:57,972
BY THE WAY, MY BROTHER'S
POPPING DOWN THIS WEEKEND.
190
00:08:57,974 --> 00:08:58,973
SIMON.
191
00:08:58,975 --> 00:09:00,976
IS HE?
192
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:03,478
COMING 'ROUND FOR SUNDAY LUNCH,
IF YOU CARE TO JOIN US.
193
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,314
GOOD OLD FASHIONED PORK
ON THE MENU.
194
00:09:10,287 --> 00:09:13,422
WELL, I THINK I MAY
BE HAVING THAT ON SATURDAY.
195
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,627
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO
ON SATURDAY NIGHT?
196
00:09:18,629 --> 00:09:21,463
NOW HUGO'S LEFT ME,
I'M ALL ON MY OWN--
197
00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:23,533
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO COME 'ROUND.
198
00:09:23,535 --> 00:09:25,235
WATCH LULU,
199
00:09:25,237 --> 00:09:27,004
PLAY A BIT
OF SCRABBLE.
200
00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:28,471
NO...
201
00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:32,509
I'LL BE BUSY WORKING
ON MY SIMON--SERMON.
202
00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:34,913
PITY.
WHAT'S YOUR TEXT?
203
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:38,582
UM...SERMON ON THE MOUNT,
I HOPE.
204
00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:41,252
HELLO, VICAR.
205
00:09:41,254 --> 00:09:42,586
HELLO, DADDY-O.
206
00:09:42,588 --> 00:09:43,754
SORRY FOR BARGING IN,
207
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:45,656
BUT WE'VE GOT
THE MOST FANTASTIC NEWS.
208
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:47,392
YOU'RE GETTING
DIVORCED?
209
00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,128
NO, SILLY,
210
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,698
NAUGHTY PAPA.
SPANK BOT.
211
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,868
NO, THE LONG AND THE SHORT
OF IT IS, IN SHORT,
212
00:09:55,870 --> 00:09:57,602
WE'RE EXPECTING A BABY.
213
00:09:57,604 --> 00:09:59,940
AHH, THAT'S BRILLIANT!
214
00:09:59,942 --> 00:10:03,609
OH, FANTASTIC!
215
00:10:03,611 --> 00:10:05,212
ALICE!
216
00:10:05,214 --> 00:10:06,313
BRILLIANT!
217
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,414
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT,
ISN'T IT, DAVID?
218
00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:11,752
HE'S SO HAPPY
HE CAN'T SPEAK.
219
00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:14,255
BUT I KNOW THAT LOOK
FOR SURE--
220
00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:17,725
THAT'S HIS OLD FAMILIAR
"THIS IS-THE-BEST-NEWS-
I'VE-EVER-HEARD" LOOK.
221
00:10:17,727 --> 00:10:19,026
IS IT?
222
00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:22,231
OH, YES,
HE'S SMILING INSIDE.
223
00:10:22,233 --> 00:10:24,399
LOOK, SEE?
224
00:10:27,037 --> 00:10:28,837
FANTASTIC NEWS,
ALICE.
225
00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:30,205
I KNOW, ISN'T IT?
226
00:10:30,207 --> 00:10:32,307
I'M GOING TO BE
A MUMMY.
227
00:10:32,309 --> 00:10:33,308
I KNOW!
228
00:10:33,310 --> 00:10:34,878
NAUGHTY LA LA,
STOP THAT,
229
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,981
OR I'LL PUT YOU DOWN
THE TOILET AND FLUSH.
230
00:10:39,751 --> 00:10:40,816
YEAH...
231
00:10:40,818 --> 00:10:43,152
THAT'S WORRYING.
232
00:10:43,154 --> 00:10:45,755
UM, ALICE, JUST SOMETHING
BEEN ON MY MIND.
233
00:10:45,757 --> 00:10:47,358
YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN THINKING,
234
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,860
I DON'T THINK IT IS
SUCH A MORTAL SIN THESE DAYS
235
00:10:49,862 --> 00:10:52,296
FOR AN UNMARRIED VICAR
TO HAVE SEX.
236
00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:55,766
AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T RUB
HER PARISHIONERS NOSES IN IT.
237
00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:58,703
RUB HER PARISHIONERS NOSES
IN WHAT?
238
00:10:58,705 --> 00:11:00,305
IN THE SEX.
239
00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:02,640
I'M STARTING TO FEEL
A BIT SICK.
240
00:11:02,642 --> 00:11:04,309
YES, YES,
FORGET IT.
241
00:11:04,311 --> 00:11:05,377
( doorbell )
242
00:11:05,379 --> 00:11:06,811
COMING!
243
00:11:08,415 --> 00:11:10,716
THAT'S ROMANTIC...
244
00:11:10,718 --> 00:11:12,518
SO IS THAT...
245
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,587
I JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S GONNA BE
246
00:11:14,589 --> 00:11:16,355
YOUR SORT OF EVENING.
247
00:11:18,726 --> 00:11:19,958
( doorbell again )
248
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:24,831
TA DA!
249
00:11:24,833 --> 00:11:25,832
OWEN.
250
00:11:25,834 --> 00:11:27,367
BLOODY HELL.
251
00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:33,408
IT'S WHAT YOU SAID
AT THE LAST MEETING--
252
00:11:33,410 --> 00:11:35,276
ABOUT US ALL BEING
POLITE AND CIVILIZED.
253
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,277
YEP, YEP, YEP.
254
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,446
IT'S JUST THAT
I'M A ROUGH COUNTRY TYPE,
255
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:41,449
SO I THOUGHT I'D WRITE DOWN
ALL MY FAVOURITE WORDS
256
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,018
AND YOU CAN TELL ME
THE ONES I CAN STILL USE
257
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,521
IN POLITE SOCIETY.
258
00:11:45,523 --> 00:11:46,522
RIGHT.
259
00:11:46,524 --> 00:11:47,556
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
260
00:11:47,558 --> 00:11:49,324
NO...
261
00:11:49,326 --> 00:11:50,526
NO...
262
00:11:50,528 --> 00:11:51,727
NOPE.
263
00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:52,728
CUCUMBER?
264
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:53,796
YES.
265
00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:54,963
NOTHING WRONG
WITH "CUCUMBER", OWEN.
266
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,033
WELL, THERE MAY BE,
IF YOU'RE TELLING SOMEONE
267
00:11:57,035 --> 00:11:59,469
YOU'RE GOING TO STICK IT
UP HIS BACKSIDE.
268
00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:02,872
RIGHT. WELL, THAT ALSO GOES
FOR GRAPPLING IRON
269
00:12:02,874 --> 00:12:05,775
AND FULL-SIZE CERAMIC DOLL
OF SIR CLIFF RICHARD.
270
00:12:05,777 --> 00:12:07,043
RIGHT.
271
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:08,344
MOVING ON.
272
00:12:08,346 --> 00:12:09,547
NO...
273
00:12:09,549 --> 00:12:11,048
NO...
274
00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:12,450
NO!
275
00:12:12,452 --> 00:12:13,851
AND THE LAST ONE --
276
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:17,655
IF THAT'S ALL,
I'M VERY BUSY, OWEN.
277
00:12:17,657 --> 00:12:19,557
SO...
278
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:21,726
PERHAPS I'LL SEE YOU
IN CHURCH ON SUNDAY.
279
00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:24,395
HELLO.
280
00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:26,598
SIMON!
281
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,502
UM...
WHAT A SURPRISE...
282
00:12:30,504 --> 00:12:32,772
I DIDN'T EXPECT
TO SEE YOU TODAY.
283
00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:35,374
YES, I WAS JUST PASSING,
PURELY BY CHANCE,
284
00:12:35,376 --> 00:12:39,111
AFTER MY...UNPREMEDITATED
RETURN FROM PRAGUE.
285
00:12:39,113 --> 00:12:41,280
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
COME BACK LATER, SHE'S BUSY.
286
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,349
DON'T YOU WORRY, I'LL SEE
HE DOESN'T BOTHER YOU.
287
00:12:43,351 --> 00:12:44,351
WELL--
288
00:12:44,353 --> 00:12:45,418
COME ON, BIG GUY,
289
00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:46,987
NICE TO KNOW
WHEN YOU'RE NOT WANTED.
290
00:12:46,989 --> 00:12:49,590
GOODNIGHT, VICAR.
291
00:12:49,592 --> 00:12:51,692
'NIGHT THEN.
292
00:12:58,101 --> 00:13:00,001
( doorbell )
293
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:01,569
THANK YOU, GOD.
294
00:13:02,873 --> 00:13:04,438
IS SIMON HERE YET?
295
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,439
NO.
296
00:13:05,441 --> 00:13:08,010
THANK GOODNESS.
297
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:09,144
WHAT?
298
00:13:09,146 --> 00:13:10,513
I BROUGHT YOU
A LOVELY PRESSIE.
299
00:13:10,515 --> 00:13:12,948
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE,
ALICE.
300
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:17,019
I MEAN IT,
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE.
301
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:19,154
GO ON, PUT IT ON.
302
00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:22,692
HUGO CAN'T RESIST ME IN MINE,
CAN YOU, HUGO?
303
00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:23,693
NO.
304
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,228
COME ON.
305
00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,631
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
306
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:29,465
OH, YES.
307
00:13:31,938 --> 00:13:34,605
MOST MOIST MAKING.
308
00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:36,240
RUFF, RUFF.
309
00:13:37,577 --> 00:13:39,043
( doorbell )
310
00:13:39,045 --> 00:13:41,278
I WONDER
WHO THAT COULD BE.
311
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,580
DON'T GET EXCITED.
312
00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:45,316
KNOWING MY LUCK TODAY,
IT'LL BE ANN WIDDICOMBE.
313
00:13:45,318 --> 00:13:47,485
UNCLE SIMON,
COME ON IN.
314
00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,054
Simon:
THE GORGEOUS
MRS. HORTON.
315
00:13:49,056 --> 00:13:50,889
HELLO,
UNCLE SIMON.
316
00:13:50,891 --> 00:13:52,991
HELLO, NITWIT.
317
00:13:52,993 --> 00:13:54,660
HERE SHE IS.
318
00:13:54,662 --> 00:13:56,495
HI.
319
00:13:56,497 --> 00:13:57,830
RUFF, RUFF.
320
00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:00,633
WELL, HUGO,
321
00:14:00,635 --> 00:14:04,938
TIME WE LEFT THESE
TWO LOVEBIRDS ALONE, I THINK.
322
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:06,639
THANK YOU, ALICE.
323
00:14:06,641 --> 00:14:08,508
WE'LL HAVE A CUP OF TEA
IN THE KITCHEN
324
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:09,543
TILL SIMON'S READY
TO LEAVE.
325
00:14:09,545 --> 00:14:11,178
THEN WE CAN GIVE YOU
A LIFT HOME.
326
00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:12,512
LIFT WHERE?
327
00:14:12,514 --> 00:14:14,281
TO FATHER'S--THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE STAYING, ISN'T IT?
328
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:15,449
UM...
329
00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:16,684
UH, NO...
330
00:14:16,686 --> 00:14:21,723
UM, YOUR UNCLE SIMON'S
BOOKED INTO A HOTEL TONIGHT.
331
00:14:21,725 --> 00:14:23,858
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT THERE.
WHICH ONE?
332
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:26,094
I THINK IT'S A LITTLE BIT
OUT OF YOUR WAY.
333
00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:27,095
WE DON'T MIND.
334
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:29,363
IT'S IN WALES.
335
00:14:29,365 --> 00:14:30,699
WALES?
336
00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:33,135
YEAH, WALES.
YEAH. YEAH.
337
00:14:33,137 --> 00:14:35,972
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO FATHER'S
FOR SUNDAY LUNCH.
338
00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:39,374
YES, YES...
THAT'S RIGHT.
339
00:14:39,376 --> 00:14:41,577
SO TONIGHT I GO
TO MY HOTEL...
340
00:14:41,579 --> 00:14:43,413
IN WALES...
WALES...
341
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,148
AND TOMORROW
I COME BACK AGAIN.
342
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,149
COME BACK.
343
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:48,284
IT'S A
VERY GOOD HOTEL.
344
00:14:48,286 --> 00:14:50,553
OH. RIGHT.
345
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:54,324
SO, THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO NEED
FOR YOU TWO TO STICK ABOUT.
346
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,359
HA HA HA!
347
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,594
SO YOU'D
BETTER GO.
348
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,262
OKAY. OKAY.
349
00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,497
RIGHTY HO.
350
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,332
LOADS OF CHAPSTICK,
NO TONGUES.
351
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,673
( door closes )
352
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,543
SO...
353
00:15:11,545 --> 00:15:13,378
SO...
354
00:15:21,123 --> 00:15:22,956
SO...
355
00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:26,225
THANKS FOR
DROPPING BY.
356
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:29,629
DO YOU KNOW
ANY JOKES?
357
00:15:29,631 --> 00:15:30,798
'CAUSE I DO.
HERE'S ONE--
358
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,000
WHERE DOES SADDAM HUSSEIN
KEEP HIS CD'S?
359
00:15:33,002 --> 00:15:34,401
IN A RACK.
360
00:15:44,481 --> 00:15:48,150
NO, SORRY, THAT JUST DIDN'T WORK
AT ALL, I'M AFRAID.
361
00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:50,218
WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO TRY IT AGAIN.
362
00:15:55,426 --> 00:15:56,993
I'VE, UM...
363
00:15:56,995 --> 00:15:59,328
I'VE GOT SOME CHAMPAGNE
IN THE FRIDGE.
364
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:02,832
I'M TOLD CHAMPAGNE'S
EVEN BETTER AT ALTITUDE.
365
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,834
IS IT?
366
00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:08,072
EVEN ONE FLIGHT OF STAIRS
CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
367
00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:14,377
I'LL JUST GET IT, THEN.
368
00:16:23,056 --> 00:16:24,155
( doorbell )
369
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,490
NO, NO, IGNORE IT.
370
00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:28,727
( doorbell again )
371
00:16:30,965 --> 00:16:33,032
I HATE BEING A VICAR.
372
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,235
I HATE IT, I HATE IT.
I HATE IT, I HATE IT.
373
00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:39,071
HELLO.
374
00:16:39,073 --> 00:16:41,942
SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU,
VICAR.
375
00:16:41,944 --> 00:16:45,411
YES, I WAS ACTUALLY
JUST GOING TO BED.
376
00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:47,313
IT'S JUST THAT
YOU SAID
377
00:16:47,315 --> 00:16:50,483
THAT DIBLEY WAS ALL ABOUT
NEIGHBOURLINESS,
378
00:16:50,485 --> 00:16:53,621
AND IF WE EVER HAD
A SERIOUS PROBLEM
379
00:16:53,623 --> 00:16:55,123
WE SHOULD
COME AND SEE YOU.
380
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:56,457
YES...
381
00:16:56,459 --> 00:16:59,326
WE NEED
TO SEE YOU NOW.
382
00:16:59,328 --> 00:17:00,594
DESPERATELY.
383
00:17:02,498 --> 00:17:03,798
OF COURSE, GUYS.
384
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,267
COME ON IN.
385
00:17:05,269 --> 00:17:06,969
THANK YOU, VICAR.
386
00:17:06,971 --> 00:17:09,371
GO ON THROUGH,
MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.
387
00:17:12,309 --> 00:17:13,942
RIGHT THEN, GUYS.
388
00:17:15,279 --> 00:17:17,380
TELL ME.
389
00:17:17,382 --> 00:17:18,815
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
390
00:17:18,817 --> 00:17:22,351
IT'S SEVEN DOWN.
391
00:17:22,353 --> 00:17:24,420
SEVEN DOWN?
392
00:17:24,422 --> 00:17:27,257
WE'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH IT ALL DAY.
393
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:29,426
IT'S BEEN HELL,
I CAN TELL YOU.
394
00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:30,795
IT'S EIGHT LETTERS.
395
00:17:30,797 --> 00:17:34,398
THE FIRST LETTER "P"
AND THE THIRD LETTER "O".
396
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,034
PLODIPOP.
397
00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:40,237
NO WONDER WE DIDN'T GET IT,
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT.
398
00:17:40,239 --> 00:17:43,275
YOU HAVE TO HAVE
A PRETTY ECLECTIC VOCAB
399
00:17:43,277 --> 00:17:44,509
TO DO THE, UH...
400
00:17:44,511 --> 00:17:47,312
THE SUN
QUICK CROSSWORD.
401
00:17:47,314 --> 00:17:49,147
RIGHT, THEN,
CHAPS.
402
00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:51,082
NO MORE
PROBLEMS, THEN?
403
00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:53,552
I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT MY WIFE IS HAVING SEX
404
00:17:53,554 --> 00:17:55,188
WITH HER COUSIN BRENDA,
405
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:57,556
BUT THAT WILL KEEP
TILL THE MORNING.
406
00:17:57,558 --> 00:17:58,757
YES,
I THINK SO.
407
00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:01,160
OFF YOU GO, THEN.
408
00:18:01,162 --> 00:18:02,895
( doorbell )
AHH!
409
00:18:02,897 --> 00:18:04,231
SORRY, FRANK,
410
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:07,367
IT'S JUST BEEN A RATHER
PLODIPOPPY SORT OF A DAY.
411
00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:09,269
IF MUHAMMAD WON'T COME
TO THE MOUNTAIN,
412
00:18:09,271 --> 00:18:11,571
THE MOUNTAIN MUST COME
TO MUHAMMAD.
413
00:18:11,573 --> 00:18:14,407
DAVID, LET JOY
BE UNCONFINED.
414
00:18:14,409 --> 00:18:19,113
BUT I AM NOT
PLAYING SCRABBLE. NO.
415
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,750
"PLODIPOP"?
416
00:18:22,752 --> 00:18:25,286
YOUR TURN,
VICAR.
417
00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:30,625
UM...DO YOU THINK THAT,
PERHAPS, YOU KNOW,
418
00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:32,527
TIME FOR BED--
IT'S GETTING ON A BIT.
419
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,763
YOU CAN'T STOP IN THE MIDDLE
OF A GAME, GERALDINE.
420
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,431
RIGHT.
421
00:18:47,612 --> 00:18:52,449
GERALDINE, IS THERE ANY CHANCE
OF YOU COMING TO BED SOON?
422
00:18:55,955 --> 00:18:57,288
Simon: I'M SO SORRY
TO INTERRUPT,
423
00:18:57,290 --> 00:19:01,225
IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR THIS GORGEOUS CREATURE
424
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,659
FOR HOURS.
425
00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:04,229
SHE WON'T TELL YOU HERSELF,
OF COURSE,
426
00:19:04,231 --> 00:19:05,530
SHE'S YOUR VICAR.
427
00:19:05,532 --> 00:19:08,000
SHE ALWAYS PUTS
YOUR HAPPINESS ABOVE HER OWN.
428
00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:12,070
BUT I CAN'T HELP THINKING
ON THIS ONE OCCASION
429
00:19:12,072 --> 00:19:15,608
SHE MIGHT QUITE
LIKE YOU TO GO.
430
00:19:17,212 --> 00:19:18,711
YES, OF COURSE.
431
00:19:18,713 --> 00:19:21,580
JIM, COME ON.
432
00:19:23,351 --> 00:19:25,451
NEED ANY CONDOMS?
433
00:19:27,623 --> 00:19:29,656
NO, THANK YOU,
JIM.
434
00:19:29,658 --> 00:19:31,458
I ALWAYS CARRY
HALF A DOZEN
435
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,093
IN CASE
I GET LUCKY.
436
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:39,867
I HOPE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, GERALDINE.
437
00:19:39,869 --> 00:19:42,137
I'M SURE IT WILL
COME BACK TO ME.
438
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:45,807
GOOD LUCK,
VICAR.
439
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:48,243
THERE YOU GO,
JUST IN CASE.
440
00:19:48,245 --> 00:19:49,411
THANK YOU,
FRANK.
441
00:19:49,413 --> 00:19:51,013
I THINK HE'LL MAKE YOU
VERY HAPPY.
442
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,214
THANK YOU.
443
00:19:53,617 --> 00:19:56,385
IF HE DOESN'T,
I'LL HAVE A GO.
444
00:19:58,189 --> 00:19:59,855
THANK YOU, JIM.
445
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:04,428
SORRY, I THOUGHT
THEY'D NEVER LEAVE.
446
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:05,762
COME ON.
447
00:20:07,132 --> 00:20:08,898
( laughs softly )
448
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,469
( doorbell )
449
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,816
FOR AFTERWARDS.
450
00:20:54,651 --> 00:20:59,854
♪ NO MATTER WHAT THEY TELL US ♪
451
00:20:59,856 --> 00:21:04,726
♪ NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO ♪
452
00:21:04,728 --> 00:21:10,231
♪ NO MATTER WHAT THEY TEACH US ♪
453
00:21:10,233 --> 00:21:14,704
♪ WHAT WE BELIEVE IS TRUE ♪
454
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:19,876
♪ AND I WILL KEEP YOU
SAFE AND STRONG ♪
455
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:24,080
♪ SHELTERED FROM THE STORM ♪
456
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:25,749
♪ NO MATTER WHERE ♪
457
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:30,154
♪ NO MATTER WHERE WE TRAVEL ♪
458
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:34,524
♪ OUR DREAM IS BIG AND LONG ♪
459
00:21:56,517 --> 00:22:02,089
♪ NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE ♪
460
00:22:02,091 --> 00:22:07,060
♪ NO MATTER WHERE THEY GO ♪
461
00:22:07,062 --> 00:22:11,765
♪ NO MATTER HOW THEY JUDGE US ♪
462
00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:17,338
♪ I'LL BE EVERYONE YOU NEED ♪
463
00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:21,709
♪ NO MATTER
IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE ♪
464
00:22:21,711 --> 00:22:25,313
♪ SUN DON'T SHINE ♪
465
00:22:26,984 --> 00:22:33,188
♪ NO MATTER... ♪
466
00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:36,826
♪ MY LIFE BEGAN WITH YOU ♪♪
467
00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:41,131
SO, YOU MEAN HE STAYS
THE WHOLE NIGHT?
468
00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:42,999
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
469
00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:44,768
IN HER BED.
470
00:22:44,770 --> 00:22:47,170
GOLLY.
471
00:22:47,172 --> 00:22:49,907
SO, WHERE
DOES SHE SLEEP?
472
00:22:49,909 --> 00:22:51,308
WITH HIM.
473
00:22:51,310 --> 00:22:53,510
GOOD LORD.
474
00:22:53,512 --> 00:22:55,612
IT SEEMS ALL RIGHT
TO ME.
475
00:22:55,614 --> 00:22:58,182
WHAT, FOR A VICAR TO GO AROUND
HAVING SEX WILLY NILLY
476
00:22:58,184 --> 00:23:00,017
IN FRONT
OF HER PARISHIONERS?
477
00:23:00,019 --> 00:23:02,220
I SHOULDN'T THINK IT'S A CASE
OF WILLY NILLY.
478
00:23:02,222 --> 00:23:05,490
WILLIE'S GOT TO BE WILLING.
479
00:23:05,492 --> 00:23:08,559
YOU CAN'T DO IT
WITH A WILLY THAT'S NILLY.
480
00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:12,531
OH, BE SERIOUS, OWEN.
481
00:23:12,533 --> 00:23:13,900
I AM SERIOUS.
482
00:23:13,902 --> 00:23:17,236
ON PRINCIPLE, I'M A GREAT
BELIEVER IN SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.
483
00:23:17,238 --> 00:23:21,340
OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
ANY SEX AT ALL.
484
00:23:21,342 --> 00:23:23,109
WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
485
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:25,745
MY MEMORY IS THAT JESUS
WAS AGAINST IT.
486
00:23:25,747 --> 00:23:28,916
WHICH I THINK IS A PROBLEM
WHEN WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT OUR VICAR.
487
00:23:28,918 --> 00:23:30,851
THINGS WERE VERY DIFFERENT
IN HIS DAY.
488
00:23:30,853 --> 00:23:32,786
WOMEN WEREN'T EMANCIPATED.
489
00:23:32,788 --> 00:23:35,655
AND THEY HADN'T YET LAUNCHED
MYNX MAGAZINE.
490
00:23:35,657 --> 00:23:37,125
GOOD POINT.
491
00:23:37,127 --> 00:23:38,726
I MEAN, HUGO,
492
00:23:38,728 --> 00:23:41,029
I BET YOU AND ALICE
WERE AT IT LIKE RABBITS
493
00:23:41,031 --> 00:23:42,596
BEFORE YOU WERE
MARRIED.
494
00:23:42,598 --> 00:23:44,498
OH, RIGHT, YES.
495
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:45,733
WHAT DID I
TELL YOU?
496
00:23:45,735 --> 00:23:47,101
HUGO...
497
00:23:47,103 --> 00:23:48,904
YES, WELL...
498
00:23:48,906 --> 00:23:51,941
WE CERTAINLY ATE
A LOT OF CARROTS TOGETHER.
499
00:23:54,846 --> 00:23:56,045
WELL I'M STILL WORRIED.
500
00:23:56,047 --> 00:23:58,413
THERE'S SOMETHING
NOT RIGHT AT ALL.
501
00:23:58,415 --> 00:24:00,550
AND, I MEAN,
SIMON'S JUST NOT--
502
00:24:00,552 --> 00:24:01,651
RUBBISH.
503
00:24:01,653 --> 00:24:03,553
AS LONG AS
SHE'S PRIVATE ABOUT IT,
504
00:24:03,555 --> 00:24:05,421
I THINK WE SHOULD
LET HER AND SIMON
505
00:24:05,423 --> 00:24:08,091
AND THEIR LOVE MAKING BE.
506
00:24:08,093 --> 00:24:09,792
OKAY, OKAY.
507
00:24:09,794 --> 00:24:12,830
ALTHOUGH I WOULDN'T MIND
SEEING A FEW POLAROIDS.
508
00:24:15,634 --> 00:24:18,236
SO...
TIME FOR BED?
509
00:24:18,238 --> 00:24:20,771
UM...
LET'S HAVE A COFFEE FIRST.
510
00:24:20,773 --> 00:24:22,840
OKAY. GOOD IDEA.
511
00:24:22,842 --> 00:24:24,642
FANCY
SOME ICE CREAM?
512
00:24:24,644 --> 00:24:25,978
YES, PLEASE.
513
00:24:27,014 --> 00:24:28,146
WHAT FLAVOUR?
514
00:24:28,148 --> 00:24:29,481
WHAT DO YOU
GOT?
515
00:24:29,483 --> 00:24:31,850
YOU DON'T WANT
TO ASK THAT QUESTION.
516
00:24:31,852 --> 00:24:32,951
WHY?
517
00:24:32,953 --> 00:24:34,987
'CAUSE I JUST GOT MYSELF
A BRAND NEW FREEZER.
518
00:24:34,989 --> 00:24:36,923
YUM, YUM, YUM.
519
00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:42,695
WHAT DO YOU FANCY?
520
00:24:42,697 --> 00:24:44,063
I'LL JUST HAVE
THAT LITTLE ONE.
521
00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:46,332
OH, WELL,
PLEASE YOURSELF.
522
00:24:46,334 --> 00:24:49,203
YOU GET A NICE LITTLE DINKY
PLASTIC SPOON WITH THAT ONE.
523
00:24:49,205 --> 00:24:50,537
THANKS.
524
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:57,144
SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE.
525
00:25:00,884 --> 00:25:02,317
I'M SORRY, GERRY,
526
00:25:02,319 --> 00:25:04,819
BUT THIS
JUST ISN'T WORKING.
527
00:25:04,821 --> 00:25:06,854
I'LL GET YOU
A PROPER SPOON.
528
00:25:06,856 --> 00:25:09,724
NO, I DON'T MEAN
THE SPOON.
529
00:25:09,726 --> 00:25:11,460
I MEANT US.
530
00:25:11,462 --> 00:25:12,461
YOU AND ME.
531
00:25:14,065 --> 00:25:16,399
OH.
532
00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:18,467
AH.
533
00:25:18,469 --> 00:25:21,870
THAT'S, UH...
UNEXPECTED.
534
00:25:21,872 --> 00:25:24,174
THE THING IS,
IT'S BEEN FANTASTIC
535
00:25:24,176 --> 00:25:27,644
BUT I THINK WE'VE BEEN TAKING
THINGS A LITTLE TOO FAST.
536
00:25:27,646 --> 00:25:30,480
I FEEL WE OUGHT TO
APPLY THE BRAKES
537
00:25:30,482 --> 00:25:33,016
FOR A SECOND,
IF YOU GET MY MEANING.
538
00:25:33,018 --> 00:25:37,121
YES. I MEAN YOU'RE
SPEAKING ENGLISH, AREN'T YOU,
539
00:25:37,123 --> 00:25:38,789
AND I UNDERSTAND ENGLISH,
540
00:25:38,791 --> 00:25:42,160
SO I DON'T THINK MEANING
IS THE PROBLEM.
541
00:25:42,162 --> 00:25:46,898
THE THING IS...
THERE IS...
542
00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:47,933
WAS--
543
00:25:49,636 --> 00:25:53,905
NO. IS ANOTHER GIRL
IN LIVERPOOL.
544
00:25:55,176 --> 00:25:56,175
ANOTHER GIRL?
545
00:25:56,177 --> 00:25:57,209
YEAH.
546
00:25:57,211 --> 00:25:59,045
WE'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH
A LOT OF TROUBLES.
547
00:25:59,047 --> 00:26:00,880
I THOUGHT IT WAS
DEFINITELY ALL OFF,
548
00:26:00,882 --> 00:26:04,184
BUT I'VE SPOKEN TO HER
A COUPLE OF TIMES
IN THE LAST WEEK OR SO
549
00:26:04,186 --> 00:26:06,987
AND I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE--
550
00:26:06,989 --> 00:26:09,522
I DON'T KNOW.
551
00:26:09,524 --> 00:26:11,758
I THINK
YOU DO KNOW.
552
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,794
BUT YOU'RE A CUSTARD.
553
00:26:13,796 --> 00:26:16,597
OF THE COWARDY,
COWARDY VARIETY.
554
00:26:16,599 --> 00:26:20,401
I KNOW.
I'M SORRY.
555
00:26:20,403 --> 00:26:25,607
WHY DON'T WE JUST SAY THAT
THAT WAS THE AUTUMN THAT WAS.
556
00:26:25,609 --> 00:26:29,044
LET'S SEE
WHAT WINTER BRINGS.
557
00:26:29,046 --> 00:26:30,479
YEAH.
558
00:26:30,481 --> 00:26:32,680
EITHER THAT OR...
559
00:26:32,682 --> 00:26:36,652
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
YOU TREACHEROUS, GIGANTIC,
ELONGATED BASTARD.
560
00:26:37,855 --> 00:26:40,056
UH, BUT NO.
561
00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:44,394
PROBABLY THE AUTUMN WINTRY
METAPHOR IS MUCH NICER.
562
00:26:44,396 --> 00:26:46,030
MUCH NICER FOR YOU.
563
00:26:47,299 --> 00:26:48,598
I'M SORRY.
564
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,068
YEAH.
565
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:53,237
NO, I THINK NOT.
566
00:26:56,008 --> 00:26:58,576
ALL RIGHT.
A COUPLE OF ANNOUNCEMENTS.
567
00:26:58,578 --> 00:27:00,345
ONE, WE'RE LIKELY
TO EXPERIENCE
568
00:27:00,347 --> 00:27:02,547
SOME INTERRUPTIONS TODAY
BECAUSE--
569
00:27:02,549 --> 00:27:05,483
( loud drilling )
570
00:27:05,485 --> 00:27:06,784
AND TWO...
571
00:27:06,786 --> 00:27:08,053
NO, SORRY.
572
00:27:08,055 --> 00:27:10,689
WHY DID YOU SAY WE'RE GOING
TO EXPERIENCE INTERRUPTIONS?
573
00:27:10,691 --> 00:27:13,792
I COULDN'T QUITE HEAR BECAUSE
OF THE DRILLING OUTSIDE.
574
00:27:13,794 --> 00:27:14,793
YES.
THAT'S THE REASON.
575
00:27:14,795 --> 00:27:15,861
WHAT?
576
00:27:15,863 --> 00:27:17,696
THAT'S THE REASON
WE'RE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE
577
00:27:17,698 --> 00:27:19,065
SOME INTERRUPTIONS
BECAUSE--
578
00:27:19,067 --> 00:27:22,702
( loud drilling )
579
00:27:22,704 --> 00:27:25,372
I STILL
DIDN'T GET IT.
580
00:27:25,374 --> 00:27:26,673
AND TWO,
581
00:27:26,675 --> 00:27:29,142
I DON'T KNOW IF THE VICAR
WILL BE JOINING US TONIGHT.
582
00:27:29,144 --> 00:27:31,010
I HAVEN'T SEEN A LOT
OF HER RECENTLY.
583
00:27:31,012 --> 00:27:32,879
NO, NO, NO,
YOUR BROTHER HAS.
584
00:27:34,317 --> 00:27:36,817
THAT IS JUST MY POINT.
585
00:27:36,819 --> 00:27:38,052
IF SHE COMES,
586
00:27:38,054 --> 00:27:40,521
CAN I ASK EVERYONE
TO BE DISCREET?
587
00:27:40,523 --> 00:27:41,689
AT THE LAST MEETING,
588
00:27:41,691 --> 00:27:43,757
SHE ASKED US TO BE
POLITE AND CIVILIZED.
589
00:27:43,759 --> 00:27:46,027
I THINK SHE WAS RIGHT.
590
00:27:46,029 --> 00:27:48,097
AH, VICAR.
591
00:27:48,099 --> 00:27:49,565
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.
592
00:27:50,734 --> 00:27:52,234
TOUGH TITTIES.
593
00:27:55,339 --> 00:27:56,538
ITEM ONE:
594
00:27:56,540 --> 00:27:58,074
APOLOGIES
FOR ABSENCE.
595
00:27:58,076 --> 00:28:00,210
YES, I HAVE A NOTE
FROM THE LAST MEETING
596
00:28:00,212 --> 00:28:04,447
TO SAY THAT
JIM CAN'T BE WITH US TODAY.
597
00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:07,750
WHY CAN'T I
BE WITH YOU?
598
00:28:07,752 --> 00:28:09,153
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
599
00:28:09,155 --> 00:28:12,689
NO, YOU SAID
YOU COULDN'T BE WITH US.
600
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,191
I DID?
601
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:17,794
WHERE AM I
MEANT TO BE?
602
00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:21,533
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE YOU'RE
MEANT TO BE, JIM.
603
00:28:21,535 --> 00:28:24,002
YOU'RE MEANT TO BE
WHERE YOU SAID YOU'D BE.
604
00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:26,471
BUT, NO, OF COURSE
YOU'RE A MAN, AREN'T YOU?
605
00:28:26,473 --> 00:28:28,706
SO YOU SAY ONE THING
BUT YOU MEAN ANOTHER.
606
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,775
YOU RAISE OUR HOPES
THEN YOU DASH THEM.
607
00:28:30,777 --> 00:28:34,780
YOU PROMISE US JOY
THEN YOU BREAK OUR HEARTS!
608
00:28:34,782 --> 00:28:37,683
SO YOU DON'T WANT ME
AT THE MEETING, THEN?
609
00:28:37,685 --> 00:28:39,352
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I WANT, JIM.
610
00:28:39,354 --> 00:28:41,220
I WANT TO FIND
ONE MAN ON EARTH
611
00:28:41,222 --> 00:28:43,856
WHO ISN'T
THE SPAWN OF SATAN.
612
00:28:43,858 --> 00:28:45,359
GOOD HEAVENS, REALLY.
613
00:28:45,361 --> 00:28:47,361
AND YOU CAN
SHUT IT, TOO, EGG HEAD.
614
00:28:47,363 --> 00:28:49,263
YOU'RE ALL THE SAME,
AREN'T YOU?
615
00:28:49,265 --> 00:28:50,897
YOU'RE JUST
A BUNCH OF--
616
00:28:50,899 --> 00:28:54,434
( loud drilling )
617
00:28:54,436 --> 00:28:55,769
--YOU SHOULD BE LINED UP
618
00:28:55,771 --> 00:28:59,207
AND FORCE FED WINALOT
UP YOUR NOSE TILL YOU DIE.
619
00:28:59,209 --> 00:29:00,975
WHICH IS ACTUALLY
WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO
620
00:29:00,977 --> 00:29:02,544
TO YOUR
OH-SO-CHARMING BROTHER,
621
00:29:02,546 --> 00:29:04,479
WHO SEEMS TO KEEP
HIS BRAINS IN HIS--
622
00:29:04,481 --> 00:29:08,717
( loud drilling )
623
00:29:08,719 --> 00:29:11,453
-- WHICH FRANKLY IS THE SIZE
OF A BUTTON MUSHROOM.
624
00:29:11,455 --> 00:29:13,189
SO, HEY,
HERE'S A NEW PLAN--
625
00:29:13,191 --> 00:29:14,490
WHY DON'T YOU
ALL JUST--
626
00:29:14,492 --> 00:29:19,796
( loud drilling )
627
00:29:19,798 --> 00:29:21,598
Geraldine:
AND THE CRANKIES!
628
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,166
( slams door )
629
00:29:23,168 --> 00:29:26,069
WELL, IT DOESN'T TAKE
A GENIUS
630
00:29:26,071 --> 00:29:28,037
TO WORK OUT
WHAT BROUGHT THAT ON.
631
00:29:28,039 --> 00:29:29,372
YOU'RE RIGHT THERE,
FATHER.
632
00:29:29,374 --> 00:29:30,507
IT WAS JIM.
633
00:29:32,378 --> 00:29:34,978
HONESTLY, JIM,
SORT YOURSELF OUT.
634
00:29:34,980 --> 00:29:37,615
YES.
635
00:29:37,617 --> 00:29:39,950
I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT.
636
00:29:41,688 --> 00:29:43,488
HOW ARE YOU?
637
00:29:43,490 --> 00:29:46,091
I THINK I'VE EATEN
A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH
ICE CREAM.
638
00:29:46,093 --> 00:29:48,193
OH...HOW MUCH?
639
00:29:51,064 --> 00:29:52,664
OH. RIGHT.
640
00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:56,569
I JUST THOUGHT
I'D REMIND YOU
641
00:29:56,571 --> 00:29:58,771
UM, THAT IT'S SUNDAY,
642
00:29:58,773 --> 00:30:01,274
AND IT'S TIME
FOR THE SERVICE.
643
00:30:01,276 --> 00:30:04,544
AND, UM, EVERYONE'S WAITING
IN THE CHURCH FOR YOU.
644
00:30:04,546 --> 00:30:06,812
NO, I'M NOT
GOING THERE TODAY.
645
00:30:06,814 --> 00:30:08,682
I'M NOT DOING THAT.
NO.
646
00:30:08,684 --> 00:30:10,251
ALL RIGHT.
647
00:30:10,253 --> 00:30:12,119
INTERESTING.
648
00:30:13,188 --> 00:30:14,355
OKAY.
649
00:30:18,827 --> 00:30:20,362
RIGHT.
650
00:30:27,904 --> 00:30:30,572
I'D BETTER GET STARTED
ON THESE THEN.
651
00:30:34,445 --> 00:30:37,413
NOW, MY FELLOW VILLAGERS,
I THINK YOU ALL KNOW
652
00:30:37,415 --> 00:30:39,282
WHY I'VE CALLED YOU
HERE TODAY.
653
00:30:39,284 --> 00:30:40,583
IT'S ABOUT OUR VICAR.
654
00:30:40,585 --> 00:30:42,017
RIGHT.
YES.
655
00:30:42,019 --> 00:30:44,454
SHE'S ALREADY MISSED ONE SET
OF SUNDAY SERVICES,
656
00:30:44,456 --> 00:30:47,090
AND IT'S IMPORTANT
SHE DOESN'T MISS ANOTHER.
657
00:30:47,092 --> 00:30:50,059
COULD I JUST SAY
THAT I THOUGHT
658
00:30:50,061 --> 00:30:53,664
MR. PICKLE GAVE A
LOVELY SERMON AS LAY PREACHER.
659
00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:55,333
Hugo:
YES. BRAVO.
660
00:30:55,335 --> 00:30:57,968
HOW HE KEPT GOING
FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS
661
00:30:57,970 --> 00:30:59,003
WAS AMAZING.
662
00:30:59,005 --> 00:31:00,772
Owen:
AS I SAY,
IT'S ABSOLUTELY VITAL
663
00:31:00,774 --> 00:31:04,676
THAT SHE DOESN'T
MISS ANOTHER SUNDAY.
664
00:31:04,678 --> 00:31:06,578
I NEED HARDLY REMIND YOU
665
00:31:06,580 --> 00:31:07,780
THAT WE ACTUALLY LOST
666
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:10,349
A COUPLE OF THE OLDER MEMBERS
OF OUR CONGREGATION
667
00:31:10,351 --> 00:31:13,652
DURING LAST WEEK'S SERVICE.
668
00:31:13,654 --> 00:31:17,923
DON'T WORRY, FRANK.
THEY WERE GONNA DIE ANYWAY.
669
00:31:17,925 --> 00:31:19,258
AND THE FELLOW WHO YELLED,
670
00:31:19,260 --> 00:31:22,829
"IF THIS MORON
DOESN'T STOP SOON
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF,"
671
00:31:22,831 --> 00:31:26,466
AND THEN TWO MINUTES LATER
SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD,
672
00:31:26,468 --> 00:31:30,237
WELL, HE'D BEEN GLOOMY
FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
673
00:31:30,239 --> 00:31:33,374
RIGHT. HAS ANYONE GOT
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
674
00:31:33,376 --> 00:31:36,043
I DO HAVE
ONE SUGGESTION.
675
00:31:36,045 --> 00:31:37,044
MRS. HORTON.
676
00:31:37,046 --> 00:31:39,814
WHO? OH, YES.
677
00:31:41,651 --> 00:31:44,919
UM, YOU KNOW THE SERIES
678
00:31:44,921 --> 00:31:47,222
WALKING WITH DINOSAURS?
679
00:31:47,224 --> 00:31:49,358
YES.
680
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,461
WELL, THEY RECREATED
THE DINOSAURS DIGITALLY,
681
00:31:52,463 --> 00:31:54,997
JUST BY USING A COMPUTER,
682
00:31:54,999 --> 00:31:59,301
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD
DO THE SAME WITH UNCLE SIMON.
683
00:31:59,303 --> 00:32:03,305
RECREATE HIM
DIGITALLY.
684
00:32:03,307 --> 00:32:04,874
THAT'S RIGHT.
685
00:32:04,876 --> 00:32:08,812
AND THEN SEND THE DIGITAL SIMON
ROUND TO THE VICARAGE.
686
00:32:08,814 --> 00:32:12,883
SO THAT HE AND THE VICAR
COULD KISS AND THINGS,
687
00:32:12,885 --> 00:32:16,086
YOU KNOW, AND LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
688
00:32:16,088 --> 00:32:18,723
SO YOUR PLAN
IS THAT WE GET
689
00:32:18,725 --> 00:32:22,960
A HOLOGRAPHIC TWO DIMENSIONAL
HUMAN TO MARRY THE VICAR?
690
00:32:22,962 --> 00:32:24,796
EXACTLY.
691
00:32:26,266 --> 00:32:30,469
DOES ANYONE SPOT THE DEFECT
IN THIS PLAN?
692
00:32:30,471 --> 00:32:34,273
NO, NO. IT SOUNDS
PRETTY GOOD TO ME.
693
00:32:34,275 --> 00:32:36,108
ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR
694
00:32:36,110 --> 00:32:41,915
OF RECRUITING A DIGITAL SIMON
FOR THE VICAR ASAP?
695
00:32:41,917 --> 00:32:45,018
1, 2, 3, 4...
696
00:32:45,020 --> 00:32:48,422
AND IF THAT FAILS,
I DO HAVE A PLAN B.
697
00:32:48,424 --> 00:32:49,589
OH, MY GOD.
698
00:32:51,594 --> 00:32:53,761
AH, YES. GOT 'EM.
699
00:32:55,898 --> 00:32:58,233
( phone ringing )
700
00:32:58,235 --> 00:33:00,134
OH, GO AWAY.
701
00:33:00,136 --> 00:33:01,869
Alice:
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO SHOW YOU.
702
00:33:01,871 --> 00:33:05,040
WELL, IF IT ISN'T
YOUR UNCLE SIMON'S TESTICLES
ON A SKEWER,
703
00:33:05,042 --> 00:33:07,343
I DON'T
WANT TO KNOW.
704
00:33:07,345 --> 00:33:08,510
Alice:
IT'S SOME PICTURES.
705
00:33:08,512 --> 00:33:11,313
I'M GOING TO PUT THEM
THROUGH THE LETTER BOX.
706
00:33:23,161 --> 00:33:24,728
OH.
707
00:33:25,997 --> 00:33:28,265
OH, ALICE.
708
00:33:28,267 --> 00:33:30,033
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.
709
00:33:30,035 --> 00:33:31,569
THANK YOU.
710
00:33:31,571 --> 00:33:32,970
OH.
711
00:33:34,674 --> 00:33:36,407
OH...
712
00:33:39,345 --> 00:33:41,380
IF YOU LOOK CAREFULLY...
713
00:33:41,382 --> 00:33:43,014
MM.
714
00:33:43,016 --> 00:33:45,250
THAT'S A LITTLE TINY LEG.
715
00:33:45,252 --> 00:33:46,385
OH, YEAH.
716
00:33:46,387 --> 00:33:48,787
AND THAT'S
THE OTHER LEG.
717
00:33:48,789 --> 00:33:50,522
AND WHAT'S THAT THERE?
718
00:33:50,524 --> 00:33:53,626
UM, THAT'S ANOTHER LEG.
719
00:33:53,628 --> 00:33:56,429
OH, NO.
IT'S GOT THREE LEGS.
720
00:33:56,431 --> 00:33:58,498
OH, NO, NO.
721
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:01,467
I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY
AN ARM, ISN'T IT?
722
00:34:01,469 --> 00:34:03,703
OH, YES.
723
00:34:03,705 --> 00:34:07,775
SOME OF THESE PICTURES
ARE AMAZING.
724
00:34:07,777 --> 00:34:10,311
YOU CAN SEE THE BABY
REALLY CLEARLY IN THIS ONE.
725
00:34:10,313 --> 00:34:13,380
LOOK, IT'S
THE SPITTING IMAGE OF HUGO.
726
00:34:13,382 --> 00:34:15,416
NO, THAT IS HUGO,
ALICE.
727
00:34:15,418 --> 00:34:17,652
IT'S ONE OF YOUR HOLIDAY SNAPS,
ISN'T IT,
728
00:34:17,654 --> 00:34:19,821
THAT YOU
SHOWED ME EARLIER?
729
00:34:19,823 --> 00:34:21,055
OH, YES.
730
00:34:21,057 --> 00:34:23,425
STILL.
APART FROM THAT ONE.
731
00:34:23,427 --> 00:34:25,760
IT MUST HAVE
CHEERED YOU UP A BIT.
732
00:34:25,762 --> 00:34:27,763
I CAN'T DENY IT.
THEY HAVE.
733
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,198
GREAT.
734
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,201
SO ANY CHANCE OF YOU COMING
BACK TO NORMAL TODAY?
735
00:34:32,203 --> 00:34:36,706
AH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT, YOUNG ALICE.
736
00:34:36,708 --> 00:34:39,408
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD.
737
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:42,479
I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE MYSELF
STANDING UP IN THAT PULPIT
738
00:34:42,481 --> 00:34:44,581
PREACHING
ABOUT RIGHT AND WRONG
739
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:47,183
AFTER...WHAT'S HAPPENED.
740
00:34:47,185 --> 00:34:50,220
ANYWAY, WILL YOU GIVE THIS
LETTER TO YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW
741
00:34:50,222 --> 00:34:52,289
AND THE REST
OF THE PARISH COUNCIL FOR ME?
742
00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:53,958
YEAH.
WHAT IS IT?
743
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,326
JUST GIVE IT
TO THEM, EH?
744
00:34:55,328 --> 00:34:56,327
OKAY.
745
00:34:56,329 --> 00:34:57,328
LOVELY PICS.
746
00:34:57,330 --> 00:35:01,131
THANK YOU.
TELLY BYE BYE.
747
00:35:06,273 --> 00:35:08,240
David:
WELL, GENTLEMEN,
748
00:35:08,242 --> 00:35:10,075
I'M AFRAID
OUR CRISIS DEEPENS.
749
00:35:10,077 --> 00:35:12,944
I HAVE TODAY RECEIVED
A LETTER FROM OUR VICAR
750
00:35:12,946 --> 00:35:15,915
TENDERING HER RESIGNATION.
751
00:35:15,917 --> 00:35:17,283
OH, NO.
WHAT A SHAME.
752
00:35:17,285 --> 00:35:20,086
WELL, QUITE, WE ALL KNOW
OUR INSTINCTIVE REACTION,
753
00:35:20,088 --> 00:35:22,121
BUT WE MUST ALSO FACE UP
TO THE FACT
754
00:35:22,123 --> 00:35:26,459
THAT WE HAVE HAD
NO SERVICES NOW
FOR TWO WEEKS.
755
00:35:26,461 --> 00:35:28,596
THIS IS
A SERIOUS SITUATION.
756
00:35:28,598 --> 00:35:32,600
I HAVE TAKEN A PHOTOCOPY
OF HER LETTER.
757
00:35:32,602 --> 00:35:36,771
PLEASE READ IT, AND THEN
WE'LL ALL MAKE UP OUR MINDS.
758
00:35:36,773 --> 00:35:38,439
THANK YOU, HUGO.
759
00:35:40,411 --> 00:35:42,310
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS
THE RIGHT LETTER?
760
00:35:42,312 --> 00:35:43,812
OF COURSE, I'M SURE.
761
00:35:43,814 --> 00:35:48,082
Frank:
DEAR MISS MESSENGER...
762
00:35:48,084 --> 00:35:50,653
FORGIVE THIS UNUSUAL REQUEST,
763
00:35:50,655 --> 00:35:52,755
BUT MY TEN-YEAR-OLD SON DAVID
764
00:35:52,757 --> 00:35:55,491
WOULD LIKE
A SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU.
765
00:35:55,493 --> 00:35:59,295
WITH OR WITHOUT TOP,
YOU DECIDE.
766
00:35:59,297 --> 00:36:00,930
HE'S A LITTLE SCAMP.
767
00:36:00,932 --> 00:36:02,599
SORRY, DAD,
BLOODY PHOTOCOPIER.
768
00:36:02,601 --> 00:36:04,234
HE'S A LITTLE SCAMPY.
769
00:36:04,236 --> 00:36:05,702
TO MISS MESSENGER!
770
00:36:05,704 --> 00:36:08,271
David:
CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
771
00:36:08,273 --> 00:36:11,141
THIS IS
A VERY GRAVE BUSINESS.
772
00:36:11,143 --> 00:36:12,810
I HAVE READ THE LETTER
773
00:36:12,812 --> 00:36:14,612
AND IT MAKES
PRETTY CONVINCING READING.
774
00:36:14,614 --> 00:36:16,314
PLEASE HAVE A LOOK
775
00:36:16,316 --> 00:36:19,617
AND THEN LET ME KNOW
WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO.
776
00:36:19,619 --> 00:36:21,486
WE HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
DECISION TO MAKE.
777
00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:30,930
WELL, I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS
WHAT WE HAVE TO DO.
778
00:36:34,134 --> 00:36:37,536
SO DID THEY ACCEPT
MY RESIGNATION?
779
00:36:37,538 --> 00:36:38,672
I DON'T KNOW.
780
00:36:38,674 --> 00:36:41,541
THEY JUST ASKED ME
TO COME AND COLLECT YOU.
781
00:36:41,543 --> 00:36:42,809
RIGHT.
782
00:36:42,811 --> 00:36:44,744
FACE THE MUSIC
IN PERSON, EH?
783
00:36:44,746 --> 00:36:46,613
YEAH.
784
00:36:46,615 --> 00:36:48,482
FAIR ENOUGH.
785
00:36:48,484 --> 00:36:52,186
LET ME JUST LAY OUT
A LINE OF CURLY WURLYS.
786
00:36:53,255 --> 00:36:55,322
IN CASE IT GOES BADLY,
787
00:36:55,324 --> 00:36:58,325
I WANT SOMETHING NICE
TO RETURN HOME TO.
788
00:36:59,496 --> 00:37:01,529
THEY WANTED TO SEE YOU
FACE-TO-FACE
789
00:37:01,531 --> 00:37:03,765
SO THERE WOULDN'T BE
ANY MISUNDERSTANDING.
790
00:37:03,767 --> 00:37:05,233
I SEE.
791
00:37:09,206 --> 00:37:10,772
RIGHT.
792
00:37:10,774 --> 00:37:12,608
RIGHT.
793
00:37:12,610 --> 00:37:14,978
I GET THE MESSAGE.
794
00:37:25,256 --> 00:37:27,090
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
795
00:37:27,092 --> 00:37:30,694
I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER
WITHDRAW MY RESIGNATION.
796
00:37:32,665 --> 00:37:35,666
HOWEVER, I DO FEEL
THAT I NEED A REAL HOLIDAY.
797
00:37:35,668 --> 00:37:38,102
SO THAT I CAN RETURN
BRIGHT AND REFRESHED.
798
00:37:38,104 --> 00:37:39,237
FAIR ENOUGH.
799
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:40,972
ABSOLUTELY.
800
00:37:40,974 --> 00:37:42,774
SO IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M GONNA ASK FRANK
801
00:37:42,776 --> 00:37:44,108
TO DO ANOTHER MONTH
OF SERMONS
802
00:37:44,110 --> 00:37:45,309
AND I'LL BE BACK
IN NOVEMBER.
803
00:37:45,311 --> 00:37:46,310
NO.
804
00:37:46,312 --> 00:37:47,311
NO.
805
00:37:47,313 --> 00:37:48,312
NO.
806
00:37:48,314 --> 00:37:51,383
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO.
807
00:37:51,385 --> 00:37:55,487
NO, NO, NO. NO.
808
00:37:55,489 --> 00:37:57,056
JUST KIDDING.
809
00:37:57,058 --> 00:37:58,490
SEE YOU SUNDAY.
810
00:38:32,296 --> 00:38:33,495
APPARENTLY,
THEY'VE COME UP
811
00:38:33,497 --> 00:38:36,065
WITH A NEW
LOW-FAT COMMUNION WAFER.
812
00:38:36,067 --> 00:38:39,235
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
813
00:38:39,237 --> 00:38:40,436
YEAH.
THEY'VE CALLED IT
814
00:38:40,438 --> 00:38:43,239
"I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S NOT JESUS."
815
00:38:49,616 --> 00:38:53,250
THAT'S CATCHY.
LIKE "I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S NOT BUTTER."
816
00:38:53,252 --> 00:38:54,485
EXACTLY, YES.
817
00:38:54,487 --> 00:38:55,820
WE SHOULD GET SOME.
818
00:38:55,822 --> 00:38:57,922
DO YOU WANT ME
TO ORDER THEM?
819
00:38:57,924 --> 00:39:01,426
NO, BECAUSE IT'S A JOKE,
ISN'T IT?
820
00:39:01,428 --> 00:39:02,527
WHAT IS?
821
00:39:02,529 --> 00:39:03,729
THE WAFERS.
822
00:39:03,731 --> 00:39:06,231
THE LOW FAT WAFERS
DON'T EXIST.
THEY'RE A JOKE.
823
00:39:06,233 --> 00:39:07,899
ARE YOU SURE?
824
00:39:07,901 --> 00:39:09,434
YES.
825
00:39:09,436 --> 00:39:11,670
I DON'T KNOW,
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
826
00:39:11,672 --> 00:39:15,141
A JOKE IS MEANT TO BE
A PLAY ON WORDS.
827
00:39:15,143 --> 00:39:16,776
OR A WITTICISM
828
00:39:16,778 --> 00:39:19,979
OR A COMIC JUXTAPOSITION
OF DISPARATE IDEAS
829
00:39:19,981 --> 00:39:23,049
TO PROVOKE A SPONTANEOUS
EXPLOSION OF LAUGHTER.
830
00:39:23,051 --> 00:39:26,654
SO WHAT YOU TOLD ME
CAN'T HAVE BEEN A JOKE.
831
00:39:26,656 --> 00:39:30,824
'CAUSE I DIDN'T LAUGH...
AT ALL.
832
00:39:33,929 --> 00:39:35,997
OH, SOD OFF, ALICE.
833
00:39:38,691 --> 00:39:42,397
♪ FOREVER ♪